Purpose:
Students will learn to identify passive, aggressive, and assertive
responses and to learn positive ways to communicate.
1.
“I
statements/messages”
Begin by describing a situation.
“Pretend that someone sitting behind you keeps kicking your chair.
You first try to ignore it and then it happens again.
You are starting to get mad. All
of a sudden the kid behind kicks your chair hard. And you quickly turn around and yell, “Leave me alone.
You are so stupid. You are always picking on me.
You make me so mad!”
Process the story by asking the students:
What do you think happened next? How
do you think each of the students feel? The
class? The teacher? What may have worked better?
Today we are going to learn to “stick up for
ourself”/ communicate our needs in a positive way. When we blame others, such as “You broke my toy.
It is all your fault. You
started it. You are always mean. You
don’t have any friends anyway.” It
not only hurts others feelings, makes us feel bad/more mad, gets us into
trouble, but, also lose friends. Today
we are going to learn to make “I messages”
rather than “You messages”.
Go back to the scenario, and say, “Now what if I
said to the student behind, I feel bad when you kick my chair I would like you
to stop.” Ask the students what
they think may happen next and how the kids may be feeling.
Say to the class, let’s try it as a class, “Can
anyone think of situations that kids may get their feelings hurt?”
Getting ideas from the class, fill in the sentence on the board:
“I feel_____________when you_____________.
I wish you would______________.
Go through at least 2 examples with the class.
Ask the students to complete the following worksheet.
Change the “You message” to “I messages”.
Discuss the worksheet or ask for a couple of
volunteers to role play.
2.
Ask the
students to take our a piece of paper as if a quiz.
Ask them to write down as many things about the word “aggressive” in
one minute. Do the same with the
words passive and assertive. Go through their answers as a class. Listing the descriptions of each word on the board.
Role play 3 different scenarios, asking the students
to identify if the responses are passive, aggressive, or assertive:
In a loud voice, “This burger is AWFUL.
I am not eating this. I want
my MONEY BACK.”
“This burger seems to be a little raw.
Oh well, I guess I will just eat it anyway.”
“Excuse me, but my burger does not taste right.
I need a new one or my money back.”
Ask the students what is the difference of the
scenario (tone of voice, consequences, who is in control).
Have the students work with a partner on the
following worksheet. Ask the
students to identify if the following statements are passive, assertive, or
aggressive.
“Get them before they get you.”
“How you play doesn’t count, only that you
win.”
“I should never make anyone feel uncomfortable,
resentful, or displeased, except myself.”
“I have the right to ask for things that I want.”
“Never give a sucker an even break.”
“I should never disappoint anyone or cause anyone
to disapprove of me.”
“Others have an equal right to ask for what they
want.”
As you leave a store after purchasing something, you
realize that you have been shortchanged 65 cents.
You hurry back into the store and loudly demand 65
cents, adding a derogatory comment about cashiers who can’t add.
You pause to decide if 65 cents is worth the effort.
After a few moments of indecision, you
decide not to cause a hassle, and leave.
You go back, get the attention of the clerk, display
the change you received, and state that you were short-changes 65 cents.
3.
Provide
the following scenarios on note cards. Ask
the students to work in groups to plan a role play of responding assertively.
Remind them of “I messages”.
Your older brother borrowed your favorite tape
without asking.
Your teacher lost your homework assignment and gave
you a zero.
Your mom forgot to pick you up after football
practice.
The bus driver threw you off the bus because he
thought you were shoving and pushing.
A friend keeps asking to copy your work.
Your sister teases you in front of a friend.
You think your friend is talking about you behind
your back.
4.
Close the
checklist below. Discuss some of
the questions.
1 = YES
2 = SOMEWHAT 3 = NO
MacKay
Freeman, S. Developing Group Skills. Developing
Skills Associates, 1992.
For
Further Information
Marilou
Grundman
Professional
School Counseling
Minnesota State University, Mankato