Conflict Resolution
Gary Block
Sarah Motzko
Professional
School Counselor
MSUM Intern 2000/01
Osseo
Senior High School
Osseo Senior High School
Osseo,
Minnesota
Osseo, Minnesota
Description of the Lesson(s) or Program
The following guidance lesson focuses on developing
conflict resolution skills. This is
one of the components of the unit/curriculum that is taught in a class called
Peer-to-Peer Communications, a class offered to freshmen-seniors at Osseo Senior
High. In addition to conflict
resolution, some of the topics covered in this class include communication
styles, sources of teen conflict, peer mediation, and counseling techniques.
This lesson is appropriate to use with adolescents in junior and senior
high.
The goals/objectives of this particular guidance
lesson are to educate students on 1) Different conflict styles, 2) Achieving
positive conflict, and 3) Effective communication techniques.
Length of Time:
This lesson was designed to take 45-50 minutes.
Materials:
Index cards for role-playing, tag board for visual aides (optional).
I.
Opening Activity
1.
Ask the class to think about a conflict they have experienced with
someone in the past two weeks (e.g., parent, friend, boy/girlfriend, teacher,
boss).
2.
Have the students write down on a piece of paper what the conflict was
and whom it was with. Tell the
class to turn over the piece of paper for now and that you will return to it
later.
II.
What is your conflict style?
1.
Inform the class that everyone has his or her own way of dealing with
conflict and the way people deal with conflict is known as their conflict style.
The conflict styles a person uses will likely also depend on the people
involved and the circumstances.
2.
Ask for two volunteers to come up in front of the room and
role-play the first conflict style. (It
works best to get 4-6 role-playing volunteers before class begins.
The number of volunteers depends on whether or not the counselor wants to
participate in any of the demonstrations).
The three different conflict style scenarios should be written out on
note cards for the students role-playing. The
class is not told the
conflict styles ahead of time.
The
first scenario demonstrates the avoidance
conflict style.
The
two students role-playing should be given a couple of minutes to read over their
conflict situation and how they plan to act it out.
Their note cards should describe the following scenario:
Scenario
#1
Student
1:
You have just returned from camp to find out that your best friend has
been dating your boy/girlfriend while you were gone. You are very hurt about being betrayed by your friend.
Make an effort to discuss the situation with your friend.
Student
2:
Your best friend has just returned from camp and found out that you were
dating his/her boy/girlfriend while s/he was gone. Avoid the conflict by
changing the subject, physically moving away - basically doing anything to avoid
the discussion.
The
class is asked:
- To describe how the students handled the conflict - what conflict
style was demonstrated.
- What is the problem with this particular response to conflict?
The
second scenario demonstrates the confrontation
conflict style.
Scenario
#2
Have the two students who volunteered to do the second
scenario come up to the front of the room.
These students will be role-playing the same situation as the first
group, but demonstrating the confrontation
conflict style.
Allow students a
couple of minutes to read over their conflict situation and plan out their
demonstration.
Student 1:
You have just returned from camp to find out that your best
friend has been dating your girl/boyfriend while you were gone.
Express how you feel about this in a very verbally confrontational way
(e.g., interrupting, blaming, not listening, etc.).
Student 2:
Your best friend has returned from camp and found out that you were
dating his/her boy/girlfriend. Respond
to your friend in a very verbally confrontational way (e.g., interrupting,
blaming, making excuses, not listening, etc).
The class is asked:
- What problems might occur with this type of response?
- To think of their
personal relationships and how they would react or have reacted to this kind of
response.
The
third scenario demonstrates the problem
solving conflict style.
Ask for the last pair of volunteers to come to the front of
the room. The students in this
scenario will demonstrate the problem-solving
conflict style using the situation from the last two scenarios.
(A counselor might want to demonstrate with a student how problem solving
is done).
Student
1:
You have just returned from camp to find out that your best friend was
dating your girl/boyfriend while you were gone. You feel hurt and betrayed, but you want your friend to know
that his/her friendship is important to you and you want to work it out.
Communicate to your friend how you feel using “I” statements (I feel
betrayed because...).
Student
2:
Your best friend has just returned from camp to find out that you were
dating his/her girl/boyfriend while s/he was gone. Your friendship is important to you so make an effort to work
things out. Use “I” statements
to communicate – “I” feel... Do
not interrupt or blame, let your friend know you are listening - you want to
work through the situation.
The class is asked:
- What was
effective about this style?
-
How realistic is it to use this kind of response?
What makes it difficult to resolve conflicts this way?
- What is the
importance/benefits of using the problem solving approach?
-
What if one person has more power than the other (e.g., teacher, parent,
boss)
-
Why is it to your advantage to work through the problem?
-
What could be the result if problem solving does not take place?
-
How does timing affect communication?
(sometimes it is best to wait until emotions settle a little).
III. Students
are now asked to think about the conflict they wrote down on paper at the
beginning of class and to identify the style of conflict they used in the
situation. Ask the class if this is
the style they typically use, if there is a different style that might work
better, and how they could have problem solved the situation.
Have someone who is comfortable share his or her response to these
questions. Get class feedback.
1.
Emphasize to the class that most of us recognize that conflict is a
normal and natural part of our relationships, however, conflict can be either
negative or positive. What is
important is that we become aware of how we react when we are in a conflict
situation and that we learn ways to work through our conflict in a
problem-solving manner. This takes
practice.
2.
The class is asked how they can make the way they resolve conflict
positive.
Allow
students time to come up with answers and then write them on the board or have
them listed on a visual aide.
a.
Effective communication – “active listening” (Encourage, clarify,
restate, summarize, respond, and make statements of acceptance, understanding
and appreciation)
b.
Ask what it means when you are actively listening to someone?
·
Not interrupting
the speaker
·
Showing interest
and encouraging the speaker to continue talking
·
Clarifying what
is being expressed
·
Restating, in
your own words what the speaker says.
·
Summarizing the
speaker’s message.
·
Listening for
and acknowledging the speaker’s feelings
c.
Nonverbal Communication also says a lot about our listening skills.
·
Ask class for
examples of nonverbal behavior that could cause people to think the other person
is not listening or does not really care (e.g., no eye contact, crossed arms,
tapping foot, looking at watch)
·
How does this
behavior make you feel?
·
Make the comment
that nonverbal communication is very powerful and that if you think about it,
people can say all of the “right” things to let you know they are listening,
but if they are not giving you eye contact or they are constantly looking at
their watch, that is going to send a more powerful message than what they are
actually saying.
Have
two students demonstrate poor nonverbal communication (e.g., one person is
telling the other that s/he is upset about a grade earned on a test or paper and
the other person is waving at friends, looking at something else, tapping their
foot, etc).
Ask
students to respond to what they feel like when someone they are talking to
demonstrates poor nonverbal communication.
Have
students demonstrate effective communication (using both verbal and nonverbal)
What is the difference?
V.
Effective Communication – Using “I” Statements
1.
Before discussing “I” statements ask the class to name some
communication blockers that are likely to make a situation worse?
The
following responses are examples of communication that can escalate conflict.
Share
these examples:
·
Judging –
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing”
·
Threatening –
“If you don’t clean your bedroom I am going to throw away all of your
clothes.”
·
Insulting –
“You are so immature” or “You’ll never learn”
·
Using sarcasm
– “You show up on time, I’ll believe that when I see it”
Ask
if any of these statements sound familiar?
How do they make you feel?
2.
Tell the class that there are ways a person can make conflict better.
Using “I” messages is an effective way of communicating one’s point
in a conflict.
There
are four parts to an “I” message:
·
I feel...(state
feeling)
·
When
you...(describe behavior)
·
Because...(describe
the effect of the behavior on you)
·
What I
need...(state what would make the situation better for you).
Example of Using an “I” Message with a Friend
I
feel annoyed when you don’t return my phone calls because it makes me think
that you don’t care about our friendship. What I need is for you to start
making more of an effort to return my calls and to take the initiative some of
the time by calling me first.
Have
students get into pairs. Tell them
to pretend that they are in a fight with their best friend because s/he broke
plans with them last weekend. Using
the four-part “I” message, have students work through this conflict.
Switch roles after a few minutes. Have
a pair volunteer to share their message with the class.
Get
reactions and feedback from the class.
VI.
Conclusion
Counselor:
This has been a
brief overview of conflict resolution and has hopefully encouraged you to give
more thought to your conflict resolution skills and how the style you use can go
a long way in escalating or resolving a conflict situation.
Connection
to Related Standards, Competencies, and Domains
This
guidance lesson meets student developmental learner outcomes in the area of
personal/social development found in the Minnesota School Counselors’ Model
of Developmental Guidance and Counseling.
This lesson provides students with an opportunity to develop and
implement appropriate coping skills when dealing with conflicts, understand
factors that strengthen and weaken relationships, and enhance communication
skills.
This
lesson falls under area two of the ten learning areas of the high standards
Profile of Learning in the state of Minnesota, which focuses on interpersonal
communication/interpersonal relationships.
The purpose of the lesson is to teach students about effective conflict
resolution and to help them develop some skills/techniques that they can use in
their relationships with family members, friends, boy/girlfriends, bosses,
teachers, and others. One of the
objectives of this lesson is to encourage students to think about their behavior
in conflict situations and how it might be contributing to a negative outcome.
Class members are also asked to identify the conflict style they
typically use with others and to become aware of more effective ways to resolve
conflict. Another objective of this
lesson is to give students an opportunity to learn some techniques for managing
conflict in positive ways and to work on improving their interpersonal and
communication skills. These are
skills that are important for students to learn so that they can have successful
relationships with their peers, family, teachers and other significant people in
their lives.
References and Resources
Fisher, R. (1992). Getting Along: Conflict Resolution. Sunburst Communications: Pleasantville, NY.
Reif, J.M., & Enestvedt, J.K. (1993). The Minnesota School Counselors’ Model of Developmental Guidance and Counseling. Minnesota School Counselors’ Association.
Minnesota Department of Children, Families, and Learning: Minnesota Profile of Learning Content Standard – Interpersonal Relationships and Communication Skills.