Professional
School Counselor MSUM
Intern 2002-2003
NRHEG (New
Richland) High School NRHEG
(New Richland) High School
New
Richland, MN New
Richland, MN
This is a
guidance lesson originally designed for anybody at any age. However, this has been formatted to
meet the needs of high school students in grades 9-12. There are three components related to
this lesson: an audiocassette, videotape, and pages from a workbook. Since there are three components, it is
recommended that the lesson be divided into three different days. The audiocassette will be presented on
the first day, which will last about an hour. The videotape will be presented on the second day and lasts
about a half an hour. However,
there should be a half an hour to share thoughts about the audiocassette. The pages from the workbook will be
given to the students after they view the videotape. Part of the workbook includes homework. Students are encouraged to meet one
more time to discuss what they wrote in their homework. Depending on how many students will be
present, an estimated time of 45 minutes should be sufficient enough for
students to share their thoughts and responses.
á To understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive.
á To understand assertiveness is a learned skill.
á To use assertiveness and decrease anxiety and depression.
á To see that being used and manipulated canÕt happen without your cooperation.
á To understand that practicing new skills produces initial anxiety.
On the first day, introduce students and allow them to introduce themselves to the others. Explain the objectives of this guidance lesson plan and encourage them to take this seriously. Make sure the group sets up some form of reprimand for the people who do not take this seriously or somehow distract others from fully listening to the audio or videotape. After listening to the audiocassette called Assertive Behavior: Speak Confidently and Gain Respect, students will have an opportunity to share some of their thoughts. Since there will be a time constraint, discussion will start again in the beginning of the second day.
Some process questions may
include:
1. How do you feel after listening to the tape?
2. How would you categorize yourself? Would you consider yourself assertive,
aggressive, or someone that allows others to dominate them?
3. How would you like to be?
4. Can you relate to any of the stories or examples
mentioned in the tape? If so, how?
After this, students will be
informed on what assertive means and how it is reached. There are several key points that
should be made to the students and are listed below.
á
Being assertive is
standing up for yourself.
á
It is learning to put
you first-learning to express your feeling and opinions. It is learning to say Òno.Ó Being assertive is making a statement
about how you feel about a subject or situation.
á
By being assertive, you
stand less of a chance of being victimized, manipulated or made to feel guilty
and used.
á
Being assertive is
healthy. Being abused and used in
unhealthy. If you experience both,
you will find the first is much more emotionally satisfying.
á
People who are not
assertive are often taken advantage of by others. You are so easily hurt and made to feel guilty that others
use this to get what they want from you.
á
If people take advantage
of you, it is because you let them. You can learn how to stop them.
á
This is not being
selfish. It is simply taking care
of yourself. In the long run, your
attitude will be better, you will feel better about yourself, and you will be
there for someone else when you want to rather than out of guilt.
á
Being assertive means
you value yourself as a person. It
means your time and your emotional comfort are important to you. It means you respect yourself enough to
fight for yourself. If you donÕt,
who else will?
The videotape will review
some of the key points made here and the key points made on the audiocassette. After the videotape is shown, students
will be given a few pages from the workbook, which they will work on before
they return for the third day.
Part of this homework is a self-evaluation inventory. Student will mark a number represent
their comfort level.
1 Ð comfortable
2 Ð a little uncomfortable
3 Ð moderately uncomfortable
4 Ð very uncomfortable
5 Ð extremely uncomfortable
Students will indicate the
degree of discomfort they have in the situations listed below.
á
Confront a fellow
co-worker about a problem you have with him or her
á
Ask a friend for the
money he or she owes you
á
Apologize when you are
at fault
á
Start up a conversation
with a stranger in a strange place
á
Turn down a relativeÕs
request for a favor
á
Turn off a talkative
friend
á
Tell a friend he or she
did something that offended you
á
Ask someone out socially
for a second time after he or she turned you down the first time
á
Admit you donÕt know the
meaning of a word when you are among a group of friends who ask you the
definition
á
Tell someone you donÕt
like them
á
Accept a compliment
á
Argue your opinion when
it differs from someone you feel intimidated by
á
Return your food at a
restaurant when it is unsatisfactory
á
Request the return of
something a friend borrowed
á
Tell your teacher when
you feel he or she is not doing his or her job properly
á
Tell your teacher when
you feel you have been treated unfairly
á
Turn in dishonest
student
á
Ask your partner for
attention and affection
á
Ask someone to put his
or her cigarette out
á
Look someone in the eye
when you are criticizing him or her
á
Tell your partner you
feel jealous or insecure
á
Admit your fears
á
Tell others about your
accomplishments
á
Discuss with someone his
or her criticism of you
á
Go above and beyond your
immediate supervisor if you feel it is necessary
If the score is between
25-30, you are considered assertive-aggressive.
ÒYou are probably quite
aggressive. You are not afraid to
ask for what you want and you donÕt have a problem confronting someone. This is good as long as you donÕt hurt
others due to your insensitivity and you arenÕt pushy or otherwise offensive.Ó
If the score is between
31-50, you are considered assertive.
ÒThis is a fairly healthy
score. You probably have no
trouble being assertive. But at
certain times in certain situations, you can be sensitive-which is good. You care about people and their
feelings, but not to the point of being abused yourself.Ó
If the score is between
51-75, you are considered passive-assertive.
ÒYou are probably the type of
person who would rather not send your meal back at a restaurant, but you might
tell the waitress at the end of the meal-by the look on your face-that the food
was not great. You are assertive
when you are forced to be or when your among people you feel comfortable
with. You could stand up for
yourself a little more.Ó
If the score is between
76-100, you are considered passive.
ÒYou probably have a hard
time being assertive most of the time.
Being assertive gives you anxiety.
You donÕt want people to think poorly of you. This is something you definitely need to work on. Start by saying, ÒNo, IÕm sorry I
canÕt,Ó a little more often.Ó
If the score is between
101-125, you are considered a wimp.
All right, it is time to
start standing up for yourself.
You will like yourself better and others will respect you for it. NO, they wonÕt stop loving you.
Another part of the studentsÕ
homework is to list two present situations in their life where they feel they
need to be more assertive. Then
they have to describe how they could be more assertive in those
situations. Then they have to
describe what the worst reaction that would come from them being assertive.
When the students meet on the
third day, they will be asked to share some of their responses and explain ways
they can practice their new assertive behavior. A group discussion can be held on the wrongs and rights of
your assertive rights. For
example, a wrong would be: When someone close to you needs a favor, it is
selfish of you to put your own needs first. A right answer to their assertive rights would be: You
should take care of yourself first, if possible, so you will feel more like
giving to others. After this, you
will state four points that can help change the person to be more assertive.
1. Be prepared-know what situations trigger non-assertive
behavior.
2. Pause-notice when you are not assertive. Redirect your thoughts.
3. Positive inner dialogue-be compassionate, kind, and
action oriented.
4. Putdown protection-if you are truly in the wrong, own
up and apologize. Do NOT mentally
whip yourself for an hour or more.
Offer to help make things right.
Finally, wrap up with the
students and encourage them to use their new skills. Also, allow students the opportunity to borrow the
audiocassette or videotape.
Assertive behavior is directly connected to the personal/social and educational domains of the Minnesota School CounselorsÕ Model of Developmental Guidance and Counseling. The lesson addresses the personal/social domain by showing students how they treat the people in their life and how they allow others to treat them. The educational domain is addressed by teaching students how to develop assertive behavior and hopefully eliminate or at least decrease aggressive behavior or passive behavior.
References and Resources
Assertive Behavior: Speak Confidently and Gain
Respect. (2002). Attacking anxiety
& depression: A self-help, self-awareness program for stress, anxiety & depression. (pp. 7.1-7.11). The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, Inc.
Bassett, Lucinda.
(Speaker). (2002). Assertive behavior: Speak
confidently & gain
respect. (Cassette Recording No. 7). The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety,
Inc.
Bassett, Lucinda. (Speaker). (2002). Attacking anxiety: Coaching video. (Vol. 2,
Session 7). The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety, Inc.
For Further Information
Professional School Counselor
NRHEG (New Richland) High School
New Richland, MN
Phone 507-465-3205
Fax 507-4658633
E-mail: tstoesz@nrheg.k12.mn.us